The Relationship Code
Engage and Empower People with Purpose and Passion
Did you know that more than 54% of Americans fight with people close to them because of stress? That people with positive social relationships recover from illness faster? And that people who have a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged in their job?
The Relationship Code teaches us to empower ourselves in all types of relationships with the new techniques and insights of the four-step Harmonic Matching Process integrates psychology with universal principles to help people achieve their goals.
The Relationship Code builds on principles used in Tune Into Love to help you apply them to your goals and career.
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Toolbox for Building Positive Relationships
Here is a toolbox of resources you can use to shift from negative patterns of behavior to productive ways of connecting with others. These are the powerful tools that guide you on the path to developing a true connection to the love and joy within you, and that build positive relationships both at home and at work. You can also use these tools to create a more positive relationship with yourself.
15 Relationship Enhancers
- Genuine interest.
- Seeing the best in others.
- Seeing things from another’s perspective.
- Forgiveness and compassion.
When you make a sincere intention to develop any of these enhancers, you will start to attract the thoughts and feelings that will help you develop them into positive habitual patterns in your life. You can intentionally choose to seek these good qualities and build them up until they become part of your character. Because every person is different, some of these enhancers will come more easily to you than others. Start with those that come easiest. As you do so, you will become more open and optimistic, enabling you to attract the insight and understanding you need to develop even the qualities you had trouble with at first. Each level of success encourages you to reach for more, and all of these enhancers offer infinite depths of benefit. The more you make these enhancers part of your life, the more positive relationships and opportunities you will attract. You can even use these enhancers to attract the ability to overcome any resistance you discover within yourself.
Love is a state of mind that is fostered and re-created when you truly love yourself. Self-love is the powerful launching pad from which we attract positive relationships. It is reflected internally through having a strong sense of security and wellbeing, regardless of what is happening externally—if we feel loving toward ourselves, we attract others who feel the same way about us; if we feel unloving, fearful, or needy, we attract relationships that reinforce this vibration within us.
All relationships are improved when we approach them with lightheartedness. This enhancer takes the heaviness out of everything we do. You can choose to focus on being lighthearted and relaxed about life. Intentionally build up your enthusiasm for life. Develop your appreciation and gratitude for yourself and for all the people who come into your life. Who is not attracted by appreciation? Give encouragement to yourself and those you live and work with. Show genuine interest in others and train yourself to listen with a new ear and look with a kinder eye.
In all your relationships, including that with yourself, build trust by following through on your promises, and remind yourself not to over-promise. People are happier when you are honest with them about what you can and cannot deliver. When you have promised, do your best to over-deliver. This is also a way to bring generosity into all your relationships. Optimism is the natural orientation when you believe that the world is abundant with all you need to fulfill your wishes. When you believe that good things are possible and even probable, you attract them into your life.
Optimism is contagious. Look to see the best in others and that is what they will bring you. Whatever comes, start with the assumption that other people want to bring forth their best. If you believe it, they may believe it too and may surprise even themselves.
It is the great power of wise people to see things from the perspective of others. Try this: Sit quietly with your eyes closed and imagine that your mind has temporarily left your personality behind in your chair. Imagine that you can feel what it is like to be someone else you know, that you can almost become them for a little while. See things from their point of view and consider what would make them happier, which would elevate them on an emotional level. This is one of the best ways to clarify a relationship by deeper understanding. To do this requires open-mindedness to a perspective that is not your own normal way of looking at things. You may discover some wonderful opportunities you might not otherwise have seen.
Do you want to feel whole? The complexities of life and the many relationships that pull us and push us in different directions may leave us feeling fragmented. We may have to be one way at work, another way at home, and a completely different way with friends. Developing integrity means finding the common ground of our core beliefs and bringing that into all parts of our life. It not only helps us feel whole, but others will also see us as stronger, more congruent, and more solid, because that’s what we are.
One key to respect comes from the humble realization that we don’t know everything about another person (or even about ourselves). When we realize that every human being has vast potentials, whether they have ever shown them or not, it becomes natural to extend respect to them. Of course, common sense tells us that people respond better when we show them respect than when we don’t.
The more open we are to forgiving everyone and everything, the lighter we will feel. Forgiveness is a gift to ourselves, not to the person we forgive. No matter what someone has done, if we can forgive and let go we will feel lighter. Forgiveness in the workplace is equally important as it is in our personal relationships. When we forgive our bosses, our coworkers, and our employees, we stop being the victim and replace powerlessness with being in control of our destinies. On the other hand, when we hold on to our judgments, we set ourselves up to attract more reasons to feel wronged by the same or other people. Remember, a key purpose of the subconscious is to affirm our beliefs about ourselves and others. If we believe we have been mistreated, and we give attention and negative emotion to this so-called mistreatment, then we will set ourselves up to create a pattern of being victimized. However, if we can acknowledge our feelings and yet choose to see the situation with compassion rather than judgment, we will align with well-being and attract more reasons to feel good.
Compassion is a deep well from which we can drink for the rest of our lives and never come to the bottom. True compassion allows us to know and empathize with another’s pain while sustaining our own positive perspective. In companies at which I have consulted, I have seen the boss’s compassion and forgiveness spread like a healing balm on an entire organization. But compassion does not mean being a self-sacrificing doormat; it guides us to lift others up rather than going down to meet them at a lower state.
If you embrace them, these enhancers can transform every aspect of your life. They can add to the bottom line, as well as motivate others to help you achieve your goals.